


I'll Be There ( If You Want Me To )

by melanoradrood



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Miscommunication, Mutual Pining, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, flangst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 09:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15603792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melanoradrood/pseuds/melanoradrood
Summary: Miscommunication, Pining, and Two Guardians and a Pilot to make it worse.





	I'll Be There ( If You Want Me To )

**Author's Note:**

  * For [marcasite](https://archiveofourown.org/users/marcasite/gifts).



> Written for @leaiorganas birthday! She is always so sweet to so many of us, so she deserves something for her! I'm a few days late, but go tell her happy birthday on tumblr if you haven't already!!!

Jyn knows that it’s all a formality, that this is the last ties to bureaucracy and Republic garbage, but who really needs to fill out this sort of paperwork? If she dies, no one is going to pull out a file folder and look for her next of kin. It’s rather well known that there’s no one left, no one for her to put down as emergency contacts, no one for her to label as the decision maker if medical decisions have to be made. Besides, she wouldn’t want someone making emotional decisions - doctors should just do what is best.

And, all of this relied on Jyn actually dying, and she hasn’t died yet. There’s no way that going out with a group of Pathfinders is going to get her anything worse than a numb ass from all of the sitting around she’ll have to do.

“What is even the point of this?” she says with a groan, and she shoves the datapad down. This is her first time going out, her first mission since Scarif, and she’s the first of their group to go offworld. Bodhi is still waiting to finish learning to use his prosthetic, Baze and Chirrut are both busy with the Jedi, and Cassian is still in physical therapy.

If she dies, they’ll just tell them, her team.

“It is a formality which you must endure. Come now, the questions cannot be that hard.”

Jyn fixes a glare at Chirrut that she knows he will see, even if he won’t admit to it, then lets out a sigh. All of it is filled out already, information that has no benefit, which religion she holds to, blood types, planet of Origin…

She just has to write in her next of kin in case of medical emergencies.

“I just have to write down my next of kin, but given the fact that all three of my parents are dead… I don’t exactly have anyone to write down.”

They don’t talk about it, really, don’t talk about the fact that Jyn is an orphan, that she has basically no one, other than this team. She looks around the table, looks at them waiting for an answer…

Jyn would never deny that both Baze and Chirrut are family, but they have one another. Bodhi is her… he’s her brother. And Cassian is…

He’s looking at his own datapad, barely even paying attention to the conversation, and she wonders… she wonders if he would do it. If he would be her… her emergency contact.

He says nothing, though, and when he finally looks up, it’s like he’s catching up on the conversation all at once, as though the data had been stored until he was ready to process it.

“Formality, yes, just write someone down, General Draven is my contact. Just write down Bodhi or something.”

Jyn doesn’t know why, but that crushes her a little. There’s boxes next to the name you put down that you select… Sibling, Parent, Partner...

Bodhi fits in the first, Baze and Chirrut in the second, and Cassian… Cassian is neither a Sibling or a Parent.

They hadn’t talked about it, but she thought they were something more.

It turns out she was wrong.

“Right. Bodhi Rook, Sibling.” She marks it down, and then looks up at Bodhi, who gives her a tight smile. She wants to hug him, her last reminder of her father, and she reaches over, grabbing his hand. “And you’ll write me down as your emergency contact, right?”

He laughs and nods, and then they both… they both look at Cassian, who is back at his datapad.

Even if they weren’t partners, she had thought she mattered enough that he would want to know she was okay. It turns out, she was wrong.

  
  
  


Honestly, Jyn wouldn’t be injured at all, save for the fact that Pathfinders were apparently a bunch of pussies that would rather talk smack than actually get their asses in gear and get shit done. Wait, a bunch of pussies? Given the fact that Jyn was the only female in the Unit, and she was the only one that had run in there and saved everyone, she was pretty sure this confirmed that ovaries were stronger than balls any day.

So, she worked with a bunch of puny dicks. Yeah, she’d have to remind them of that, after she got out of medical.

Running in to save the day? Easy. Acting quickly and getting everyone out of there? Simple.

Avoiding the blaster shot that got her as she was the last one to climb into the shuttle? She had apparently missed that course with pathfinders 101.

The only karking Trooper to have any good aim, and it manages to hit an old wound that, honestly, wasn’t fully healed. She deserves, this, probably. Probably not. The fact is, though, she’s stuck in medbay for the next week, and Bodhi looks positively pleased.

“I swear to the Force, Bo, go get me some decent caf.”

Of course, she had to pick the one person that might actually listen to the doctors rather than giving her what she wanted.

_ She wonders what Cassian would be doing, wonders if he would care enough to sit in her room with her, would care enough to listen to the doctors rather than to her. _

“The doc said that caff messes with the medicine, Jyn! You have to - I will go get a droid to strap you down.”

“You wouldn’t dare,” she hisses at him, and this betrayal - 

_ If Cassian were here, he wouldn’t have to threaten her _ .

“I would dare. Sit back down, and I’ll get you more of Chirrut’s tea.”

Jyn lets out a groan, her head going back against the bed, and she turns that into a soft whimper, her shoulder aching. The good thing is, the nerves couldn’t really be damaged twice. The bad thing is, skin regrowth is painful, even with bacta patches.

“Where are Baze and Chirrut anyways?” she asks. She has already been there a full day, with no visitors save for every Pathfinder that she just saved, and Bodhi himself.

“Meditating with Luke. Apparently, he’s even more restless than Chirrut imagined, and I think Chirrut is at his wit’s end. Baze ended up having to take Chirrut for a few drinks last night to keep him calm, but they’ll be by after lunch.”

She nods, trying to get comfortable as the cup of cloudy liquid is handed to her, and she tries not to wrinkle her nose, but really… it tastes terrible.

_ Cassian had made her drink it after Scarif, and she had made him drink it as well. If he were here, she would drink it for him _ .

“And Cassian?” she asks, the name slipping out before she can help herself.

Bodhi looks away from her, and that’s the only answer she needs… 

She doesn’t ask about Cassian again.

  
  
  


Jyn has been on this base a week, in medical, and no one told him. It’s an accident he even finds out, overhearing Luke Skywalker telling the Princess that his afternoons have been easier, since Chirrut has been sitting with Jyn in medical. Cassian had practically broken out in a run from the Command Center, running despite his injury, until he reached the long term care area. She wasn’t there, though, had been released that afternoon, and he…

Why had no one told him?

He saw Bodhi every morning at breakfast, he saw Chirrut and Baze at lunch, so why wouldn’t anyone tell him that Jyn was here? Bodhi had been missing most days, and obviously Baze was sitting with her if Luke was having time off from meditation, but…

Why didn’t anyone tell him Jyn was injured?

His first thought is that it couldn’t have been that bad, except why would she be in medical for a week unless it was bad? His second thought is that she didn’t want him to know, which has two possibilities - that she didn’t want to bother him, or she flat out didn’t care enough to make sure he knew.

He’s not sure which is worse.

When he runs to her room, she’s not there either, nor is she in Bodhi’s room. It’s not until he reaches the hanger that he finds her, and he lingers back, listening as the freshly released Jyn Erso retells the tale of how she had saved the lives of every man sitting around her.

He wants to hear this story, wants to know how she was hurt… she looks good. Her shoulder is definitely sporting a bacta patch, but she looks good.

Why didn’t anyone tell him Jyn was hurt?

He lurks in the doorway for too long, then slinks away, not noticing that Baze, Chirrut, and Bodhi are watching him, smirks on all their lips, as though they planned this.

  
  
  


He hasn’t come to check on her.

It’s one thing for Cassian to not show up in medical. Jyn had accepted that after three days of nothing, because really, there was no way she was going back to medical ever again, not after Scarif, not unless they dragged her… which they did, this time. She wouldn’t visit Cassian unless he was literally dying.

But, she has been out of medical for three days, and nothing. He hasn’t been at breakfast, he hasn’t been at lunch, and she knows he’s on base, because he isn’t cleared for missions, but…

When she asks Bodhi about it, he just shrugs, and says something about Cassian working too much.

He does work too much, but not so much that he skips meals.

Is he avoiding her? Why would he be avoiding her? Did she do something wrong? She wonders if he even knew she had been injured, but… 

She thinks on that stupid paperwork, the formality. She knows that the others would have told him… If she had put his name down, would he have come?

She tries not to be hurt, but it’s impossible. She had thought, before Scarif, during Scarif, after Scarif…

They had shared a medical room, had spent their time confessing every last secret, and she had reached for him when they were strong enough, their fingers linking as much as they could. When she was released, she still stayed, stayed with him every day as he worked on walking again.

And then, he was released, and something…

She hates it. Whatever it is, she hates it, and she doesn’t understand. They didn’t have to actually be  _ something _ , but they were far from  _ nothing _ . Jyn had had a lifetime of  _ nothing _ , where she cared for no one but herself, and this…

The way she feels for Cassian isn’t  _ nothing _ , and the way he looks at her isn’t  _ nothing _ , and yet… she’s treated like there’s  _ nothing  _ between them, and it hurts.

It genuinely hurts.

  
  
  


Cassian wants to check on Jyn, he does, but he just can’t… he can’t bring himself to ask. He wants to know how she is, wants to know how she’s recovering, but she had shut him out. That much was obvious. 

So, he threw himself into his work. Threw himself into updating files, into completing mission reports, into reading other mission reports, into -

He had read the report about Jyn’s injury a thousand times, wanted to shake sense into her. How could she do that, how could she risk herself? She could have died, died on a planet far away, and he would, he couldn’t - he left Scarif with her, with a silent promise that he would live for her, because of her, because she had saved him, time and again, in so many ways.

If she went out there and died…

When he went to look at her medical files, they were locked. He had access to everything working in Intelligence, but for some reason… 

He had never thought that they would be locked, that he would be shut out. This only happened if a person specifically requested that it be closed, that no one else had access… She had shut him out, shut him out of his life.

He was going crazy, avoiding her, avoiding their friends, because it was clear… whatever they had shared, she was shutting him out.

A part of him wondered, wondered if he had done this, had done something wrong…

He could always ask Chirrut, but Chirrut wouldn’t give him a straight answer, and Bodhi’s allegiance definitely was with Jyn rather than with him, which meant…

Well, there’s a valid reason as to why Cassian is currently sitting across from Baze, who hasn’t opened his mouth once, despite Cassian staring him down. Cassian is an expert at forcing the other person to talk, had even done so when he first met the man, but now… Now neither is budging.

He doesn’t want to ask, but he has to.

“Jyn. Is she okay?”

The big man just scoffs, and that tells Cassian that he really fucked up.

“She shut me, and I don’t…”

“What, you don’t know what you did?” Another scoff.

Cassian pauses for a moment, looks down at the blaster he’s cleaning, and he doesn’t know… so he needs Baze to tell him.

“Is Jyn-”

“Jyn is at every meal, where you are not. I think the problem is with you.”

Cassian thinks those words are more than likely coming from Chirrut than Baze, but he gives a nod, because that’s right, but-

“Why didn’t she tell me she was hurt?”

This was supposed to be going different, Baze was supposed to be giving him intel, but instead, Cassian was the one doing all of the talking, the questions betraying more than he was willing to give.

“No one thought you wanted to know if she was injured.”

Cassian’s mouth opens, ready to ask where the hell that stupid idea came from, when it hits him - the karking paperwork. She had asked, and he had said Bodhi, had told her to write down Bodhi’s name. Once Cassian was undercover, working again, he might be gone for months, while Bodhi would be on a schedule, regularly on base. And besides, Cassian would know… everyone would know to tell him that Jyn Erso, the woman he lives for, is injured.

It hits him so hard that he actually sits back in the chair as he realizes how badly he screwed up, prompting Baze to laugh under his breath again. Cassian can only glare at the man, then push himself up from his chair, ready to head out and fix this.

“Where are you going?” Baze asks after him.

“To fix some paperwork!”

  
  
  


Jyn is just about to climb onto a transport, ready to head out on her next mission, when she gets a buzz over the comm, telling her she’s needed in medical. She’s pissed for all of five seconds, because she was cleared by medical, had been injured over two weeks prior, and - why was she getting called back?

Then, the next words out of Kes Dameron’s mouth throws her into a panic.

“It’s about Captain Andor. He’s been injured, and you’re his emergency contact.”

Jyn breaks out into a run, charging across the hanger, into the hallways, and straight to medical.

When she bursts through the door, she’s there just in time to see Cassian limping into one of the smaller rooms, the crutch he hasn’t used in months under his arm once more to help him walk.

She goes from overjoyed, to overly pissed, to overly confused.

“Jyn?”

Cassian is looking at her now with a strange expression, and it dawns on her that she’s standing in the middle of medical wearing her full gear, pack on her back, and blaster in hand.

“They said you were injured!” she gasps out, and Cassian looks confused, and then looks back at the doc, who gives a shrug. “There was a message, that you had been injured, and I was contacted because I’m your emergency-”

That slaps her in the face so hard she almost takes a step backwards. She was his emergency contact. In case of death, in case of injury, she was the one they contacted…

“I… I just hit my leg in Command. Nothing… bad.”

The droid behind him approaches, datapad in hand, and lets out what Jyn can only compare to a huff. “Your presence in the medical bay is reported to your emergency contact, regardless of the injury, due to your job. Were we not supposed to notify? At what level of injury should you be in before she is notified?”

“Dying,” they both say together, and her eyes soften, a sigh escaping her.

He’s fine, he’s not dying, and he-

“Can we talk for a moment?” Cassian asks the droid, who looks thoroughly annoyed at them. Jyn just wrinkles her nose at it, then approaches Cassian, stepping into the room behind him.

The door closes, and then it’s just them.

“Jyn, I-”

“You made me-”

They both speak at the same time, and then Jyn takes a step back. Cassian shuffles into a chair, sitting down, and she lets her pack fall off her shoulders, and sets her blaster on the table. She’s pretty sure the transport probably left without her, which means she’s not going on this mission, which means at least three karking idiots are going to come back dead, or worse, injured.

“You first,” she finally says. She wants to hear it, an explanation, an apology, something.

“Jyn…”

And then he stops. He stops, and she just… She can’t stand it anymore.

“You made me your emergency contact. Why would you do that?”

Cassian stares at her for a long second, and then his hand reaches out towards her. He stops himself, though, and Jyn is… she’s tired of them stopping themselves. There’s this line between them, and she’s really tired of it.

So, she crosses it, stepping over towards him, squatting in front of him, and taking his hand in hers. It’s not the best position, but he needs the chair, she won’t make him stand, and she wants them to be on equal footing, looking each other in the eye.

“Why didn’t you come when I was injured?” she asks. “I wanted you there. I asked… I asked where you were, and you didn’t come.”

“I didn’t know,” he croaks out. She hates that, hates that they’re both getting a little choked up, but they both pull it back.

“Okay, we’ll come back to that in a minute - why make me your emergency contact?”

“Because if I was injured, I would want you to know.”

Every bit of anger in her fades, and she gives a nod. Yeah, she…

“Me too. It’s why I wanted to make you my emergency contact, but you-”

“I was an idiot,” he said, interrupting her, and she generally hates that, but right now, she wants him to speak, to say the words. “I thought, Bodhi would be on planet more often, and if I’m away on a mission, someone would be with you, and I figured, if you were in medical, someone would tell me immediately, emergency contact or not.”

There’s the line, it’s right there, right in between them, and she just… she stomps right on it, crosses over.

“Why would someone make sure you knew?”

It’s not a question that doesn’t have an answer, and they both know it… or at least, she hopes he knows it.

“You’re not my father, nor a father figure, like Baze and Chirrut. You’re not my brother, nor a brotherly figure, like Bodhi. So why would-”

“Because we’re partners,” he chokes out.

They’re not. They’re not actually partners. Not yet, but she-

“Cassian, there’s two slots on the paperwork. I’ll just put Bodhi’s name second.”

He’s staring at her so hard in that moment, she thinks his brain might actually be shattering, and then-

“Karking idiots-”

“Blasted guardians-”

At the same time, they seem to realize what happened, and she shifts her weight away from Cassian, dropping his hand, and going to pick up her blaster.

“Woah, wait, where are you going?” Cassian asks, and he’s pushing himself up out of the chair, but Jyn is on a mission.

“They lied to me, to both of us. They didn’t tell you on purpose. I specifically asked where you were, and they dodge the question. They set us up!”

She has her blaster in hand, and is ready to hunt them all down, but then Cassian stumbles towards her, his weight hitting the door, effectively keeping her blocked in. She knows it wasn’t intentional, his leg seeming to truly be a problem, but it forces her to take a moment, to breathe.

“They only want what’s best for us,” he says, and she lets out a sigh.

“I got left behind on a mission because of this,” she retorts, and she sets the blaster back down again.

“Well, that means you have time to stay with me for my appointment,” he says, and there’s a tiny hint of a smile on his lips.

“I thought that the only people that could stay for meeting with the doc are-”

She had been thrown out of his room every time he had to see the doc, after Scarif. When they shared a room, the other person was normally removed, for privacy. She knew all too well the rules in this place.

“Yeah, well… you qualify to stay.”

They haven’t talked about this, haven’t discussed this, but…

“Okay.”

She’ll shoot Bodhi another day. Right now… well, she’s happy where she is.

 


End file.
